Putting Up the Christmas Tree ~ Seriously a Spiritual Test
(a story about persistence and determination ~ I'm not one to give up!)
          We put up our tree yesterday. Well actually it was the night before.  Our neighbor picked it up for us at a tree farm.  It’s a gorgeous fraser fir… nearly twelve feet tall.  He dropped it off Friday afternoon, and my husband and I put it in the stand that night, stood it up, added water, and headed to bed.
          When I got up yesterday morning, I had that Christmasy feeling – just a hint of excitement in the air… a little spring in my step.  I made my coffee, put on my ipod of Christmas tunes, and got to work.  As most folks do I guess, I started with the lights.  The bottom was easy.  I was humming and singing right along with Andy Williams and Bing.  But as I moved up the tree. things got a little tricky.  I stood on a stool to hang the lights higher, but with the towering height of the tree, it was soon out of my reach.  So I grabbed the fireplace poker and hopped back on the stool and strung more lights.  I hung another strand around, standing on the stool on my tiptoes with the lights dangling from the tip of the poker.  But before long I had again reached my limit, and there was still more bare tree to go.  Ugh… I thought.  I do NOT want to wait on Howard or Calvin to help me.  (plus the fact that neither of them enjoy decorating the tree ---- and that’s putting it mildly)  I had to find a longer light-stringer.  The broom!  Grabbing the broom from the kitchen, I was back on the stool stringing lights all the way to the top.  Success – I was thrilled… in fact I was so excited I took a picture to post my accomplishment.
          That’s when things started to go downhill.  Since the water bowl on the tree stand was empty, I thought I’d fill it before I began hanging ornaments.  After filling it I grabbed another cup of coffee, looking forward to hanging the ornaments since the hard part was done.   Coming back into the den, I spotted it…. water on the floor.  What the heck?!  Please tell me this stand with this twelve foot tall beautifully lit tree isn’t leaking.  It was.  Oh my gosh.  How do I fix this?  We are NOT taking this thing back down after I worked so hard to get it lit. What to do?!..... Google!  I can always find an answer on Google! 
        So I did the research and called Howard, who happened to be in town. He stopped by the auto parts store and picked up the stuff that I’d read was best for fixing a leaky tree stand.  After mopping up the water with beach towels and then blowing it dry with a hair dryer, I applied the fix-it stuff to the bottom of the stand.  (which was extra tricky because I was using a hand mirror to see what I was doing)  I waited the ten minutes (which was an extra four than was required according to the directions) and then I poured another watering can full of water.  Yay – it worked!  I took the towels to the laundry room and returned to the den to get back to the ornaments.  That’s when I spotted it…. a trickle of water running down the leg of the stand.  omg… it might as well be a flood because a trickle turns into a puddle…. grrrrrrrr!!!!
              To the kitchen cabinets I went… there’s got to be something in here I can use… I found a silicone tube and the caulking gun that went with it.  I cut off the tip, loaded the gun, headed to the den, squeezed the trigger…. nothing… not a drop would come out…. Back to the kitchen…. cut more off the tip (just in case)…. try again… nothing… back to the kitchen.  I took a wire and shoved it into the opening to make sure it wasn’t dried out…. it was a little dry, but still pretty sticky…. but still the trigger would not budge.  Taking a hammer to the end, I banged away on the back end of the tube…  still the silicone would not flow…… oh the agony!!!
                  Back to the kitchen cabinets.  I found something called “Big Gap Filler”…. the foam spray stuff people use to fill space around pipes…. but there was a slight problem… the little straw attachment was missing…. Who cares?  I’ll spray it like silly string!  (by now I was getting somewhat delirious)  Back to the den, armed with Big Gap Filler and some paper towels. I repeat the whole beach towel/blow dryer process, too.  By this time, Calvin has come in and I’ve got him attempting to lift the giant tree monster off the floor so I can get a better view while I spray.  I begin aiming and spraying.   Howard comes in and helps Calvin lift.  I’m getting way more spray foam on my fingers than I am on the bottom of the tree stand.  Howard notices and says, “You know that stuff won’t come off of your skin.  It has to wear off.”  What?!  @#@!#@!#!   Racing to the sink…. fingers stuck solidly together.  It turns out he’s right… I found NOTHING that would get it off of my skin…. not fingernail polish remover… nor straight acetone… nor olive oil…. failures.
       Heading back to the den (with grossly sticky sand-papery fingers…. on both hands), Howard has disappeared and is in search of last year’s tree stand.  Finally, he appears from the attic, stand in hand.  So…. to my dismay and defeat, we (he and Calvin) have to completely tip my beautifully lit tree on its side and switch the stands.  (the foam didn’t work, by the way)….. when they stand it back up, the lights are a WRECK… and the tree is leaning STRONGLY to the left…. in fact, it looks as if it will fall at any moment.  We use towels to prop…. we use rocks…. it still won’t stand straight…. finally we hammer nails into the window sills and TIE the dang thing to the wall with rope! 
          By this time Howard’s off to the deer stand, and Calvin’s headed to the Egg Bowl. I’m left alone with my nemesis, half of whose lights have gone out during the whole tree-stand switch thing.  But I’m not to be defeated… this tree WILL get decorated…. I WILL celebrate Jesus’s birthday… I wrestle with the lights again (as the half-strand flickering continues)…. finally I get the ornaments… in my attempt to hang some on the top with the fire poker, three come crashing down to the floor… (and it’s a tile floor by the way)…. Finally…. about twelve hours after my starting time, the tree is finished.  (though there is still a slight leaning issue)
             This morning, thankfully, I’m pretty much over the whole putting-up-the-tree-nervous-breakdown-fiasco --- and I’m heading to church…. just to make sure I didn’t lose my religion completely in the episode.